Contrails are water

Actually condensed water vapor.  Super actually water vapor condensed all the way into ice.  Anyone who tells you different is Communist.  Anyone who spells vapor "vapour" is Communist.  Anyone who tries to tell you contrails (short for condensed no-sulfur water vapor only happy trails, what, are you Communist?) have a sulfur component is Communist.  Sulfur is just like a seed crystal to get something that is eventually going to crystallize anyway to crystallize faster.  I didn't look any part of that last sentence up to confirm if it is even remotely factually accurate, but I am quite confident that if you challenge it, you are essentially challenging our capitalist way of life.  According to urban legend, Aeroflot planes don't produce contrails (they call them chemtrails, even though they mythologically don't produce them), instead, they "run silent, run deep".  (In actuality, the only way they couldn't produce them would be to fly at low altitudes, like at the end of "Dr. Strangelove".) Look at this fascinating double helix chemtrail over Nizhny Novgorod.
And then ask yourself, "What kind of country would saddle its citizens with the name 'Nizhny Novgorod'?  Think of the citywide writer's cramp around Mother's Day."  Ha, fooled you.  Russia doesn't celebrate Mother's Day, at least not with cards.  They celebrate it by smoking cigarettes and plunging their heads into old oaken buckets filled with curds of butter.  In other words, any other day.  (Well, that was digressively and repellently ignorant on so many levels - Did you notice the decorated Christmas tree?  And could you find the three decapitated heads impaled on the decorative fence spikes?)

Wow, that entire last paragraph set relations back 50 years.  In other words, no change.  I see more two-engine contrails than four-engine contrails over Rocky Mountain National Park, but to be honest, I don't pay that much attention, and it might be that I am actually witnessing already merged contrails from a four-engine jet, as pictured below.
So much of our world is fascinating and beautiful, and we spend way too many of our days looking things up on the internet.  Below is a photograph of a cedar waxwing that flew into a window at the Estes Park Visitors' Center.  Interesting fact:  Cedar waxwings are not made of wax or cedar.  They don't produce contrails.  From a graphic design standpoint, they are the most perfect birds in the world.  They don't have any cedar waxwings in Russia.  If you think otherwise, you are absolutely, 100% Communist.
(Note:  This picture was actually taken outside the Nizhny Novgorod Visitors' Center.  Estes and Nizhny are sister cities.  Or would be, if Nick Molle wasn't so Eastern Hemispherophobic.)


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Hostiles

Johanna writes

Okay so I'll say it