My new favorite county is

Uzbekistan.  (insert map here)

Nestled in the fertile valley between the ancient rivers of Jaxartes and Oxus, Uzbekistan (capital city Tashkent) is a predominantly Muslim nation of some 32 million, including Gulnara Karimova (insert picture here), stage name "Googoosha"

who may or may not currently be dead.  (Insert sad face here - Why do all the cute ruthless robber barons disappear so young?) :-) (no, sad face) :-(

Amazingly, Uzbekistan's largest trade partner is Switzerland, followed by China, Kazakhstan, and a bodega next to Hardees in the Bronx.  [Ed. note:  This summary started out so well before descending into complete irreverence for a country you claimed was your favorite.]  Agricultural exports include dried fruits and cotton, often combined in the same packaging as "dri-fru-cot" to confuse customs.  Did you want to see one of Googoosha's music videos?  (insert video here)  She went to Harvard, although this video appears to have been filmed in not-Harvard.

So why have I rocketed Uzbekistan to the top of my favorite countries list, forsaking Bob's Country Bunker and the Country Bear Jamboree?  Because it is rare on the collectables website "Delcampe" to ever get any of the products your bid on when they are listed and shipped from overseas.  I've lost money to Germany and Italy before, and those would seem to be our friends (overlooking Fiat and WWII).  A gorgeous postcard of the Big Thompson Canyon made it all the way to Samarkand, Uzbekistan, sometime in the 1960s, and I took a flyer because it was only a few sheep bladders [Ed. note:  This must be said in jest - I traveled through much of East Asia mostly sober, and seem to remember exchanging plastic tokens for food], and I figured, well, I'll never see my postcard, but at least I'll be helping someone out in Samarkand (intriguingly, my bank account connected to my PayPal account has been recently emptied of funds, but I'm sure, well, fairly sure, it has nothing to do with Gulnara, although that was the dealer's name) with some extra sheep bladders [Ed. note:  See above, plus the internet suggests the Uzbek minister of finance has created his own crypto-currency, the sheep-bit], but today the postcard arrived in the mail.  Fairly poorly packaged, but I'll bet it was already damaged long before being placed in the mail, and our postal employees over on this side are no watch repairmen themselves.  I left feedback in three languages, because you can never be too sure, and, cross your fingers, I may be having a new penpal or penal pal shortly.  Wouldn't you all be supremely jealous if it was really Googoosha (insert picture here) and she wasn't really dead?

(come to think of it, the postcard reeked of perfume.  Abattoir.  Something.)

Stay tuned, because I'm flying there next weekend, at the invitation of some caliph or khan who needs my help accessing some fortune.  He is without question on the up and up, because my other three fake email accounts didn't receive the same request.