Assault by mutual consent

I don't exactly know how it got started, some argument over whether salt was or was not being removed from saltine crackers, and the dust that used to coat Planter's peanuts, but, after we had signed the mutual consent forms, and the waiver and release of liability forms, and hired the guy to intercede in case of head trauma and notify next of kin, and were blood tested for HIV and hep B and C and non-A non-B (and urine tested for marinol - positive!) we proceeded to go outside, and started throwing down.

What the hell is assault by mutual consent, you ask, and how can I be a part?  I'm glad you asked, Two Dogs Screwing.  (the punchline to my favorite joke from 5th grade)

When a local paper's police report recently including some juggalo being fined $25 for assault by mutual consent, I wondered if it meant ugly (or drunk) adult cousins having sex at a family reunion, until they either got caught or one of the participants felt guilty and backed out.  $25 wouldn't even pay for the time the officer spent writing the ticket, so it had to be something not really that illegal, and more just puzzling, like accidentally partly observing a store owner's creepily provocative but full clothed dance through his display window prior to opening, when he thinks no one can see, or scored a touchdown three plays later.  (the punchline to my favorite joke from 6th grade)

Thank God for the internet, so you no longer have to embarrass yourself querying a living human being about intriguing Class II misdemeanors that may simply be pulling your leg.

"Assault by mutual consent" according to Legapedia, "is where two or more related individuals, who know they are going to be in a confined space (RV, tent, one-room cabin) at some point after a meal, either cook or order something from the menu they know is going to cause problems, none pleasant, for one or more of them down the road."  No, but I have a radio. (the punchline to my favorite joke from junior high)

For those who've already forgotten, this fake "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle that gave birth to the "South Park" episode was FAKED:

How about a "P"?

Why are human beings so incredibly dumb?  Why do we do nothing but sit around doing nothing, then look for someone to blame after some inbred proves his only accomplishment after 19 years of forced book lernin was how to pull a trigger?  Or, as George Will writes, "Bipartisanship, the absence of which is lamented until its recurrence reminds us of its costs [italics mine, but technically the word processor's, although super technically the browser's you're using], this month produced the budget agreement."  Or produced, as my favorite movie scene from high school, and, let's be honest, probably my favorite movie clip of all time, reminded me, an endless stream of java.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ-kCE6YEno