Ziggi, you had me at "double drive through"
Moraine Avenue is getting a Ziggi's. Now that is news to warm Estes Park's increasingly coffee-warmed heart.
The new proprietors are coy about location, but I'm here for you:
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2018/02/prweb15152484.htm
Remember Summit View Coffee, the place with the chicken fried latte? Or "Antonio's New York Pizza 2"? (As in Anthony DeSousa, Estes Park's roving business philanthropist who promises to do good or break some legs if he don't.) Yeah, they weren't around long enough for us to remember them either, but a shack sporting dualies and loads of enthusiasm is so distinctive, you don't have to say "double drive through" more than once to let everyone in on the secret of where Ziggi's is soon to set up shop.
To recap, Estes Park now has 14 dedicated coffee providers and at least four additional places where you can get commercial coffee from a dispenser or urn. This is around one coffee outlet per 7 full-time winter residents. Ultimately, everyone will have their own personal coffee shop in town, at which point the Chinese will just move in and take us over without a fight (the millennials won't even bothering looking up from their phones, because they just won't have the time or patience, but ultimately they will learn about it on Snapchat, probably via an ironic meme, or maybe an offensive T-shirt produced by their less fortunate compatriots forced to work in Pennsylvania sweatshops).
Ziggi's. Seriously. Ziggi's. Those poor suckers. Z-i-double phucking g-nother-i's. Backwards, that's Siggiz. Like ciggies, or an awful coffee palindrome, something that tastes the same from either end. They don't have a chance. Are you hearing this? Ziggi's. The guys with the slogan: "Run through twice at Ziggi's, the place where nonsense syllables and a hint of fair-trade coffee get strung together"? Did philanderpist Tony have their nuts in a vice from unpaid gambling debts?
Why can't somebody from Dunkin' Donuts fall in love with Estes Park once in a while? At least we could enjoy a few weeks of cheap donuts before the state slaps the "Seized" signs on the twin windows for nonpayment of sales tax.
Addendum: Someone asked why I didn't provide a YouTube link to a Ziggi's-related video. Mostly because there aren't any, except some cosmo tweaker related to Britney Spears (potentially her brain donor). Warning: Five minutes of this individual will either cause you to openly weep in despair for our future (including the future of jump-cut editing), or immediately organize an "Estes Park Loves Animals" committee, where every member secretly hates animals, or has trouble identifying them, or uses commands neither the animals nor their owners understand (what is "gold and silver reflex" or, potentially, perhaps, "gold and silver reflects"? Is this shorthand for reflections, itself a questionable descriptive? Am I, at middle age, unable to speak or understand the English [sic] spoken by twenty-somethings anymore?). The Ziggi's butt plug kicks in around 7:52, if the noose (self-placed around your neck at some point prior, hoping for a quicker end to minutes 1 through 6) allows you to breathe that long.
The new proprietors are coy about location, but I'm here for you:
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2018/02/prweb15152484.htm
Remember Summit View Coffee, the place with the chicken fried latte? Or "Antonio's New York Pizza 2"? (As in Anthony DeSousa, Estes Park's roving business philanthropist who promises to do good or break some legs if he don't.) Yeah, they weren't around long enough for us to remember them either, but a shack sporting dualies and loads of enthusiasm is so distinctive, you don't have to say "double drive through" more than once to let everyone in on the secret of where Ziggi's is soon to set up shop.
To recap, Estes Park now has 14 dedicated coffee providers and at least four additional places where you can get commercial coffee from a dispenser or urn. This is around one coffee outlet per 7 full-time winter residents. Ultimately, everyone will have their own personal coffee shop in town, at which point the Chinese will just move in and take us over without a fight (the millennials won't even bothering looking up from their phones, because they just won't have the time or patience, but ultimately they will learn about it on Snapchat, probably via an ironic meme, or maybe an offensive T-shirt produced by their less fortunate compatriots forced to work in Pennsylvania sweatshops).
Ziggi's. Seriously. Ziggi's. Those poor suckers. Z-i-double phucking g-nother-i's. Backwards, that's Siggiz. Like ciggies, or an awful coffee palindrome, something that tastes the same from either end. They don't have a chance. Are you hearing this? Ziggi's. The guys with the slogan: "Run through twice at Ziggi's, the place where nonsense syllables and a hint of fair-trade coffee get strung together"? Did philanderpist Tony have their nuts in a vice from unpaid gambling debts?
Why can't somebody from Dunkin' Donuts fall in love with Estes Park once in a while? At least we could enjoy a few weeks of cheap donuts before the state slaps the "Seized" signs on the twin windows for nonpayment of sales tax.
Addendum: Someone asked why I didn't provide a YouTube link to a Ziggi's-related video. Mostly because there aren't any, except some cosmo tweaker related to Britney Spears (potentially her brain donor). Warning: Five minutes of this individual will either cause you to openly weep in despair for our future (including the future of jump-cut editing), or immediately organize an "Estes Park Loves Animals" committee, where every member secretly hates animals, or has trouble identifying them, or uses commands neither the animals nor their owners understand (what is "gold and silver reflex" or, potentially, perhaps, "gold and silver reflects"? Is this shorthand for reflections, itself a questionable descriptive? Am I, at middle age, unable to speak or understand the English [sic] spoken by twenty-somethings anymore?). The Ziggi's butt plug kicks in around 7:52, if the noose (self-placed around your neck at some point prior, hoping for a quicker end to minutes 1 through 6) allows you to breathe that long.
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