Seems like a decent guy - Quiet, keeps to himself, likes to whittle, wait, what?

Jonathan D. Crossley, 25-year-old white male, wears glasses, driver's license photo, last known address the apartments at 4113 Snow Ridge Circle in Fort Collins.  If you need to reach him, here's his (heyIjustmetyou,andthisiscrazy) number:  (970) 204-0839

Car last seen abandoned at Lory State Park.  Actually, you may need to call (970) 416-1985. That's the sheriff's office.  He should have been processed by now.

Turns out John stabbed someone last night who could identify him (translation:  John stabbed his girlfriend, probably now ex-girlfriend).  Ex-girlfriend not because she's no longer with us, but because stabbing is a real roadblock to continuing any relationsh-well, savvy, you get the idea.  John's NowEx-girlfriend lived on Tigercat Way.  Well, still lives there, and will return there when she checks out of Poudre Valley AMA, but was residing there last night, all stabby following John's arrival, is what I mean.  Never date anyone who lives on a street named Tigercat Way.  Especially in you live on Snow Ridge Circle.  It's a 21-minute drive with no traffic, and you're just going to be tired and grumpy having to make that 21-minute drive day after day after day.  Especially with that haircut (or Flowbee, hard to tell) paired with that facial shape.  Singing:  Comb your bangs everywhere/Like you just don't care.  Still, decent looking chap, and this is a driver's license snap, after all.

Anyhoo, by the time police apprehended John today, after his walk in the woods, which shut down a state park and homes bordering Horsetooth for a few odd hours, here is what he more resembled:

This is not a mugshot, but it is an extremely poor choice of backgrounds - Is he laying down on a chaise lounge placed on a green tile shower floor, circa 1950, or is he up against a green-tile bathroom wall, same circumstances.  Is John demented?  Is he perpetually upbeat?  Does he play rhythm guitar in a bad rock band?  Even with the poor wardrobe choices, and the fact that I'm not gay, he seems like a pretty decent, semi-handsome guy.  He could be fixed, in other words.  Why is he going around stabbing people?

There is no moral to this story, except when you decide to pursue a life of crime, and you change your appearance drastically from what you provide to the DMV, don't let anyone take photos of the new you.  Seriously, would anyone have been able to locate Master Crossley from the photo police initially provided to the public?

Update:  Well, this was all fun and games until a body turned up, apparently the remains of one Jonathan D. Crossley were stumbled over by Fort Collins Police Services yesterday in Lory State Park.  Clearly a stab and run and death by self-immolation.  File this one away under "Raccoon Raped by Circus Bear".





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