A watershed moment

Today, COVID-19 cases in Estes Park reached the magical number of 1045, and the "cases/100K" metric teetered on the brink of 10,000.  This is a significant moment, because it tells us (somewhat counterintuitively, but try to keep up) how many people live in Estes Park.  You would think we could determine how many people live in Estes Park by counting them, as, for example, during the every-10-years federal census.  But why should we waste time and money on that?  We can just make up a number much more easily...

The "Cases/100K" metric is calculated by dividing the number of cases in a town or city by the population of that town or city, and then multiplying that number by 100,000.

So in the case of Estes Park, at this moment of "total eclipse" the calculation is easy, and doesn't even require a calculator.

For "cases/100K" to be at 10,000, that means the cases in Estes Park have to equal 1/10 of the population (since 10,000 is 1/10 of 100,000).  So the population of Estes Park is 10,450, because the total number of cases is 1045.

I'll bet you didn't know that.  The total population of Estes Park being 10,450, I mean.  The 2020 census indicates the Estes Park population within town limits is 6000.  But we actually have another 4,450 people living/hidden somewhere in the town of Estes Park, or along its borders (perhaps waiting to invade), because, well, that is what the "Cases/100K" tells us.  And that number couldn't be incorrect or manipulated or modified to make Estes Park's handling of COVID-19 appear better than it is, could it?

Could it?  If an extra 4,450 people live in Estes Park full-time, year round, we better start building 5-story buildings, and not just stop at 3-story buildings.  We better get that Wal-Mart in here pronto, because almost every city and town in America with over 10,000 people has a Wal-Mart.  We are a community of 10,000 people, dammit, let's start acting like one.  Where are our radio stations, our Pep Boys, our additional greasy fast food chains?  Where is a newspaper, any newspaper, that isn't printed on rose-tinted wood pulp?

Let's stop worrying about growth or overpopulation, Estes Park.  We already have rampant, runaway growth, we are already overpopulated, and we didn't even know it.  Sure, our school system only has 500 students, which makes no sense for a town with a population of 10,450.  Sure, the folks you run into at Safeway are the same folks you always run into at Safeway, but these 4,450 extras are shifty, and lurk beneath the surface.  Maybe they shoplift (give them a statue).  Some might say they don't exist, but then, if they didn't exist, Estes Park wouldn't be doing such a good job controlling COVID-19, and we all know that isn't possible, because our Chamber of Commerce CEO tells us we are doing a fantastic job controlling COVID-19.  She should know, because she holds dual degrees in Criminal Behavior and Eschatology.  But, relax, it's all just another bridge we were sold, another burden we must bear.  Every week her picture appears in the paper for something, while she trots out another nonsense article about bowling or window displays based on creative uses of animal scat (I have to admit I don't read them, and they never seem to crack the Top Ten, unless she is whining about how her kids can't seem to shake out of their long-term SARS-CoV-2 funk, which she purposefully infected them with).

In any event, as she is always hosting medical forums, maybe she can host one about our population explosion, and how to prepare for long lines at the two gas stations with working pumps in town. 

California gas prices are up to $7.50 a gallon, why aren't we doing our part to rape (sorry) rake in more profit from those silly, maskless tourists?

Update:  As predicted, two more cases added to Estes Park's total this morning pushed Estes Park into the exclusive "10K Klub".  This means, although we tried to avoid it and put it off for as long as possible, by inventing a fake population that in no way reflects Estes Park's actual year-round population, it is too late, we have too many cases, and we are now as filthy as those dirty birds in Wellington and Berthoud.  Guess we will have to start wearing masks again.  I mean, some of us will.  You don't have to, and there are no penalties if you don't.  Let's wish COVID away with empty rules and promises.