It's Friday by Rebecca Black

So before the naysayers come in and tell me how much they're down, let me remind you I told you to get in on Monday, so if you followed that advice, you are still up 500 points.  Look, it's Friday, when there are 100 auto-tuned excuses to take your profits and walk.  Disappointing jobs report (we are to the point where we are complaining that more jobs weren't added, at the same time we are worried about wage inflation because there are no qualified people out there left to hire), another American threat added to the back-and-forth pretend tariff war (at least the U.S. is demonstrating they are good at making lists, but, as Drudge pointed out presciently this morning, game over in one move, because China provides all our rare-earth metals, including, somehow those extracted from our soil - Dohh), our new Fed chairman Powell's insistence on further rate hikes - if it was as easy as peeling petals from flowers, all of us would be married to Jessica Rabbit (or Jessica McGee, if left with one extra).
You're fine, because none of you acted on my advice anyway 
If I had to predict with one hour left to trade, since every day is another episode of American Gladiator, I would say any remaining bulls are already headed for the Hamptons, and this chart is going to end up looking like what's left of a Volkswagen after off-roading Strawberry Hill.  Can I get a Dow down 600?  Upside is, you have a chance to get in on the ride if you missed your chance last week.  Again, wait until the washout on Monday, because you can absolutely make money in a volatile market, you just have to decipher the signals from a 45 record played at 78 RPM.

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Johanna writes

I'm always fascinated by the question of why Marie Cenac entered local politics

Okay so I'll say it