New nonprofit forms

 A new nonprofit (Estes Park's 483rd) has formed in town, going by the moniker "Citizens Against The Stupid Current Rulers At The School!" or CATSCRATS! for short, whose mission statement includes disruption and disavowal of the very existence of any newly elected board of education members at EPSD R-3, along with those previously elected board members who refuse to immediately resign in protest, and just as immediately join this new advocacy group.  Are you listening, Merrick "Spineless" Madams and Jimson "Weed" Tonikushy?

CATSCRATS! is headed by Dawn "Lubricrank" Casio, the former vice-assistant of air modeling at Eileen Ford, who will spend most of her homeless time camped on the capital steps in Denver, with a team that consists of Margaret "Cappy" Loose Cannon-Montana, chief of filing protests with various state and local agencies, and Danielle "I'm Brilliant But Troubled" Spectrum, who promises to issue a statement regarding her role in the organization sometime after the Super Bowl.  Not the upcoming Super Bowl, but the Super Bowl between Jesus and the Red Harlot as promised in the Book of Revelations.  

The advisory panel includes most of the Traffic-Gonzo editorial caporegimes, also known as the "We're  Bored and Our Spouzes No Longer Pay Enough Attention To Us" committee, headed by Mikeland "He Likes It" Secondfiddle.  They promise to disavow any future board meetings (of the school board, they actually stopped holding editorial board meetings seven years ago), and spend their time watching videos of past board meetings from 2012 to 2020, aka the period before "The Troubles".  Once a month, if they can rouse themselves from their Barcalounger recliners, they will take pitchforks (small ones, the big ones are quite heavy) to stand outside a current hated board member's house or barn or sty (they have no idea how other people live), yelling loudly and illegibly in an attempt to disrupt roll call.  They have the full endorsement and backing of Heather Gooch.

"This is all about the kids," said Cannon-Montana, declaring that the election was still undecided and a few ballots from Kansas, which recently and surreptitiously became part of District R-3, remain uncounted, with protests and restraining orders filed.  "To that end, we've requested the fourth grade social studies class submit amicus briefs to the League of Women Voters, the League of Angry Voters, the League of Perpetual Voters, the Justice League, the Human League, and the Human Justice League" she continued, tugging at a forelock, "plus we are asking YAs, especially the attractive ones,  to drop out of school and have lots more unprotected sex so that CMAS scores will continue to climb."     

"I'll drunk to that," Casio chimed in, slurping her words following a nasty fall from the Broncho Buster pedestal, which she mistook for a mechanical bull.

All Traffic-Gonzo reporters, editors, publishers and advertising reps (meaning the same person) could not be reached for comment, although feel free to call them at 1-877-527-7454 to Do-nate Your Car Today.  They are currently in a shared workspace hotboxing with a Buddhist enclave, side gigging as delivery drivers for "Houston Thumb", the newest Estes Park pizza chain, which promises a dismembered digit, proboscis, or winky in every order.