Are you ready to rev up?

Hi Estes Park - I'm here to rev you up by filling you in on my busy schedule. If you could just model your life after mine, you would be much happier and less self-aware, I'm betting.
On Tuesday, I took a poop and it was a good one. Much better than the day before. It probably set a record, but I would just scare the current record holder if I tried to confirm this. On Wednesday, I rushed from a public meeting with the county commissioner where six people were in attendance (note how important it was for me to count how many people were in attendance, and more importantly, to report how many people were in attendance - Actually, five people were in attendance, and one of those people came in late, but I was too revved up to count correctly, and had to leave early because I'm an important person, at which point the county commissioner corrected all the misinformation I had provided before my departure, but we are revved up friends so I don't care and I'm sure she was wrong because I am great. We probably broke a record with how great I was compared to her, but the Chamber of Commerce was demanding most of my revved up attention so I couldn't call the Guinness Book of World Records to pursue it - Naturally I gave the departing Chamber CEO a fantastic, record-breaking present which revved up the entire room, and they broke into spontaneous applause which lasted for over five minutes and carried me out of the room on a wave of energy to my next appointment which I'm sure was twice as many appointments as any former mayor ever had but that is nothing in my day - I DON'T SLEEP AND I'VE EVEN FORGOTTEN WHERE I LIVE!!!! On Thursday, my grandchildren (you knew I had grandchildren, right? I think I've mentioned it before) did something fantastic and way beyond what anyone their ages could ever contemplate, they will all be better than your grandchildren ever could dream of being and they are so totally revved up they just run in circles better than your children after they are done breaking all kinds of records and I'm sure you wish your grandchildren were anywhere near the level of my grandchildren but here is a picture of a book they wrote and illustrated when they were still in the womb:
Are you revving up yet? Because on Friday, there was something I was supposed to be at somewhere and I was driving over 200 miles an hour to get wherever but the person in charge just called and said, "Don't bother, your energy and complete mastery of the subject will just overwhelm the room and cause all the visiting prime ministers and diplomats to crumple in their chairs and probably start another war somewhere" so I completely agreed and called Guinness to say "You are never going to believe this, I've just set a world record for saving the world" and they asked if I wouldn't just take over publication of the book because it was getting so expensive to typeset my name over and over and they just couldn't muster the energy I could and I said "It's already done, do you want me to send you a copy?" But of course I already had and so the conversation was over before it began. On Saturday, I was awarded the Korbel Peace Prize, which is even better than the Nobel because it involves a champagne maker, and I was so revved up I completely knocked down the presenter as I was rushing off the stage to save another person's life who
was probably choking who knows I was too revved up to spend time I had too many things to do and I had to fly the airplane to Rome because on Sunday I was meeting with the Pope to give him some life coaching instructions involving dreaming big and success meaning never having to say you were sorry (or wrong) and on Monday while I was providing all the power to PRPA for the next decade just by riding a stationary bicycle I got a text from Abraham Lincoln and George Washington because I had revved them up so much they had sprung back to life and they said "You are the greatest" which they didn't need to remind me of because I have a weekly forum where I can tell everyone over and over and over how great I am and how lucky you are I stuck around this one-horse town (I already counted) instead of ascending straight to heaven or axis mundi or samsara or Moksha or whatever you lesser beings call it when I actually live it and set the world record for it. Rev it up.

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